Adventure-less

Whenever I watch movies like Into The Wild or 127 Hours, I always want to go on an adventure and explore the world (minus the need to cut my arm off). I've never had much of an adventure. Never really had the time alone to explore the world. I love marriage and I love having my son, but sometimes I would just love to go off the grid and disappear for a while. I often feel over-whelmed, but push it aside for the sake of others. Just until recently, I have worked and gone to school full-time, all while trying to help hold a family together. I've often neglected my sense of self. I don't have time to exercise anymore or play the bass guitar or God forbid, actually hangout with one of my few friends. I do the grocery shopping and am overwhelmed at the amount of options for something, something as stupid as what freaking bread or cereal I want to buy. There's too many channels on the tv, so I end up watching something that just barely holds my attention. I love music, especially of the heavy aggressive variety, but there are so many copies of copies of copies, that I don't want to listen to any of it. Really, I think that's what bothers me most about most things in life. There's too many copies. When you look at just about anything from tv to radio and everything in between, it's pretty much a "How can we take this, repackage it and resale it?" mentality. I think, beginning very soon, that I will start to unplug myself from this world. It's time to focus on myself and regaining myself and my identity. In order to be the best husband and father, I need to know who I am first and foremost. In the words of Chris Titus, "I'm not a failures. I just succeed in finding what doesn't work." It's time to find out what works and what doesn't.

Say what you want, say what you mean

I try to be the best person I can be; helpful, friendly, outgoing, loving, but it always comes back to me in the end. My words get in the way of my thoughts and they rarely convey what I want them to mean. Silence is not an option, but merely a welcomed friend. Actions speak louder than words, at least that's what they say, but to others, they don't say a thing. I get lost in thought (even as I write this), always trying to think of the right words to say, but eventually end up saying nothing. Music is the sanctuary I hide behind. The words of others are more powerful than mine. They convey the emotion I try to muster up and always seem to say what I want to say, but lack the (insert word) to get out.

"I can see the words inside your silence, but I can't speak about your pain for you." The Chariot